


restless

by maybemochas



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Car Accidents, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Hospitalization, Hospitals, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:21:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21539677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybemochas/pseuds/maybemochas
Summary: "I can't lose him." Felix gasped between sharp breaths. He'd ended up on the floor at some point, back leaning against the leg of his desk. He's not even sure how he got here, but he didn't care as he ran his hand through his hair and tried to get a grip.He begged the goddess not to take Sylvain too. He'd already lost Glenn. Felix couldn't handle losing another person he loved without ever getting the chance to say goodbye. He couldn't. Not again. Not Sylvain.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Petra Macneary, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 6
Kudos: 255





	restless

Anyone who says college is easy is a fucking liar or a communications major.

It's the fourth (and hopefully final) year of university for Felix and he is about to have a god damn stroke. He wasn't sure what had convinced him that listening to his father and not only being an economics major but _also_ taking a minor in physical education for the sake of his fencing "career" was a good idea but he had so many regrets. All of which, were coming back to haunt him as he pulled his third all nighter in a row for his winter finals.

He only had a few days left until the first exam and he was at his wits end to make sure he didn't fail a single one. Sylvain had been his self control and quite frankly, his only source of self care throughout the past three study nights.

While Felix would like to believe he was self aware enough to take breaks to walk around, get water, eat, etc when his body told him to, he knew that without his boyfriend popping in to remind him to take care of himself or bring him his favorite pine needle tea with a kiss to his temple that he would just work himself into the ground and then keep going even further on past that.

Of course, he knew Sylvain meant well and that without Sylvain he'd be in way worse shape than he was in now. Yet the combination of only getting two hours of sleep in the past three days and the fact that he'd spent the past hour rereading the same paragraph without processing a word had him on edge.

"Babe, I know that the first exam is just around the corner, but that's exactly why you should get some sleep. You're going to work yourself to death before the test even gets handed out at this rate."

Sylvain's large hand rubbed soothing circles into Felix's back slowly as he tried to convince his boyfriend to close the books and get some shut eye for the third time that night. And you know what they always say… Third time's the charm.

Or in this case, third time's the final straw.

Felix jerked away from Sylvain and pushed his hand away from him roughly as he glared up at him with bloodshot eyes.

"You're being a pest Sylvain! You are not my mother and I don't need you hovering over me like a goddess damn hen. Just fuck off and maybe go study yourself for a change instead of always telling me what to do."

Sylvain looked like he had just been slapped in the face, and quite frankly, Felix's words had the tendency to hold that sort of effect when he wanted them to. But it wasn't enough to deter his boyfriend as the redhead took a breath and tried again.

"I'm not trying to bother you Felix, you know that. I can give you space if that's what you really want, but I'm worried. You're pushing yourself too hard Fe."

He reached out to place a hand on Felix's shoulder, only realizing that it was a mistake as Felix slapped his hand away and practically growled at the attempted touch.

"I'm not pushing myself too hard! You're not pushing yourself enough. Don't project your fucking laziness on me Sylvain. Not all of us are blessed enough like you to live off of daddy's money and fuck around as a useless theatre major without consequences like you are, okay? I don't need you, so just _fuck. off._ "

Felix's eyes widened as he processed the cruel words that just left him in an angered flurry. No.. he didn't think of Sylvain like that at all. He knew Sylvain had it rough. He knew how much his family situation fucked with Sylvain and he just chewed it up and spat it back out in his face.

"Sylvain, I didn't…"

"No, no it's… It's fine." The dejected words barely left him before he was already halfway out the door. Felix was horrified by what he just did and every fiber of his being screamed at him to _do something, fix it_. Yet, he just sat there stupidly as Sylvain paused with his back turned to him, shoulders slumped and hair blocking his face as he murmured.

"Just… try to sleep soon, okay? I'm gonna go get more tea from the store. We're almost out."

"Okay." Felix said flatly before Sylvain slipped into the hallway and out of sight. 

He just sat there and listened to the sounds of Sylvain moving about the apartment for a moment before the telltale sound of him grabbing his keys and the front door opening and shutting with a sound of finality left Felix completely and utterly alone.

 _"Fuck_. _"_

He shouldn't have snapped at Sylvain like that. His boyfriend had done nothing but be there for him and this was how he repaid it.

Felix let out a frustrated growl as he pushed himself away from his desk and stalked towards the bathroom. His mind was all too loud and yet completely muffled with exhaustion at the same time as he stripped from his day clothes and stepped into the already steaming shower. The hot water had his entire body flushed and numb from the borderline scalding he exposed himself to in no time as he stared blankly at the tiled wall in front of him, letting the steam fill his lungs and clear his mind.

Everything in him felt sluggish and the dull ache in his chest from the regret of hurting Sylvain never quite went away, even after the shower that left him red all over.

After he changed into one of Sylvain's giant hoodies that went past his thighs and some loose sweatpants, Felix padded over to the kitchen and huffed as he finished tying his wet hair up into a messy ponytail. Right next to the electric kettle was a new box of the pine needle tea that Felix always drank. It had to be only missing one or two packets, which meant Sylvain had literally gone out and bought it yesterday so Felix wouldn't be left stranded in study hell without his favorite tea.

"Idiot…" He mumbled softly under his breath as he made himself a cup.

Goddess, he really loved this man. He would apologize the second Sylvain came home. Probably get lightly scolded afterwards for staying up instead of sleeping like he was told, but that was fine. They'd come back from worse than this. It would be okay.

This was what he told himself two hours ago.

Two hours and thirty-seven minutes had passed since Sylvain "left to get more tea" and Felix was getting antsy.

He'd been getting texts but left them unchecked as he continued to bite at the eraser of his pencil and continued to study. None of them mattered because he knew none of them were from Sylvain.

They had a rule. If anything ever was left unresolved between them they would only call or find the other in person. Neither of them wanted to ever risk anything getting misread through texts, especially considering how they both had a bad tendency to get sucked into their own anxieties easily.

_Bzzt!_

That was the fifth text in the last hour. He was pretty sure the hour before almost went into double digits worth of notifications but he hadn't been counting then.

Felix was almost tempted to shut his phone off entirely and set aside his guilt until the morning. If Sylvain wasn't going to call him then he should just get some sleep so he wasn't as snappish whenever his boyfriend finally decided to come back home. It wouldn't do either of them any good if he just bit off Sylvain's head again because he was stressed and sleep deprived to all hell and back.

Just as he finished the thought though, his phone began to buzz in earnest as the quiet room filled with the sound of the stupid ringtone Sylvain had set for himself on Felix's phone when they had first started dating.

Felix huffed and set down his pencil, rubbing at his tired eyes before he swiped the screen of his phone and held the device to his ear. There was a mixture of guilt, annoyance, and worry swirling around inside of him and while he was still far too wound up to talk to Sylvain right now, he also figured it would be for the best not to ignore his boyfriend. Especially not after that fight and waiting anxiously for him to come back home this entire time anyways.

"Sylvain, where are you? It's almost four in the fucking morning. I know I said some.. regrettable things but you shouldn't stay out so late without at least texting me-"

"Felix."

Felix's fingers twitched at the familiar feminine voice on the other end. She sounded tired and… something else. A cold feeling suddenly began to claw at his stomach as his mind tried to put together the pieces of a dreadful puzzle he wasn't sure he wanted to solve.

"Dorothea…? Why are you answering Sylvain's phone? Did he go over to your place? I thought you and Petra were still planning wedding stuff. Please tell me he isn't crashing in on you guys over there."

A strained laugh quickly dissolved into a sob on the other end, causing Felix to hold his breath as he faintly made out the words of Petra comforting Dorothea and offering to take the phone to which the woman denied after saying she was okay.

"Felix, I need you to listen carefully. Sylvain, he-" Another shuddering breath.

 _Spit it out_. _Please._

"He's… been in a car accident. Petra and I were near the scene of… the crash… when it happened and I... It was in our neighborhood by the drug store on the corner next to the pizza place we were at- _Ugh_. Not the point, sorry. Listen, I fought tooth and nail just to get his phone before they took him off to the hospital for surgery and in all honesty I only got it because of a fluke. There was-"

Felix's grip tightened on his phone as he clenched his teeth and fought back the tears pricking at the corner of his eyes as she kept speaking after another sob.

"Goddess, there was so much blood. They… They said he might not make it. They don't know. It was just the EMT's but…"

Felix's hand dropped to his side as his breathing quickened and his throat tightened. Suddenly everything was too loud in the small, quiet room. Everything became an unfocused blur of bright lights that burned his eyes as the ringing in his ears grew louder and his chest got so tight he thought his heart might burst.

He could barely pick up the words Dorothea was saying through the phone. She was probably asking him if he was alright or trying to pull him out of having a panic attack but all Felix could hear in his head on repeat were the words _Sylvain. Car accident. Surgery. A lot of blood. Might not make it._ ** _Might not make it._**

This was his fault. This was all his fucking fault. Sylvain had just been here. Sweet and loving Sylvain who had done nothing but look out for him and take care of him and Felix spat in his face and stomped on it all out of what, spite? Petty irritation that he had no one but himself to blame for?

The last thing he did was tell Sylvain that he didn't need him. But that was a lie. It was a lie and the last time he saw Sylvain's face he was so hurt and Felix let his pride get the best of him and _he let Sylvain walk away and now he might not come back and it was all Felix's fault._

 _"-elix…!_ _Felix!_ Oh for fucks sake, FELIX!!!!"

A strangled gasp tore itself from Felix's raw and aching throat as the speaker of his phone crackled from the sheer volume of Dorothea screaming his name from the other end blasted from the small device. He didn't even realize he had begun to hyperventilate.

One glance down also showed he had gripped his poor phone so tightly the damn fucking screen _cracked_. There was blood dripping from his palm and it was honestly quite surprising the call was still going.

There were hot tears streaming down his face and everything felt so tense that it was a miracle he somehow didn't shatter into a million pieces just from the stress he held in his body. When did he even start crying?

"I can't lose him." He gasped between sharp breaths. He'd ended up on the floor at some point, back leaning against the leg of his desk. He's not even sure how he got here, but he didn't care as he ran his clean hand through his hair and clawed at his scalp, probably drawing blood there too as he tried to get a grip.

"I can't, I can't. Dorothea, _I can't._ "

"Shshsh, it's okay Felix. It's going to be okay. Does Dimitri still have a key to your apartment? I can tell El to call him, she has his number and he can take you to the hospital."

"No." Felix shook his head, despite the fact he knew she couldn't see him.

"He hasn't had a spare to our place since the accident."

Shit had been tense between Felix and Dimitri ever since he saw him lose his absolute shit over the divorce and messy shit that went down with his stepmother. Some really toxic shit was thrown his way and he still wasn't completely okay from any of it.

"Ingrid. Sylvain gave one to Ingrid and I gave one to Annette."

Dorothea hummed in acknowledgement as she repeated the information to who he assumed was Petra, before she redirected her attention back to Felix.

"I'm going to try to make a few calls. It's late so fingers crossed. Don't try to head out on your own okay?"

Felix agreed numbly and barely processed any of the words exchanged before the call ended and he was left alone as he pulled his knees to his chest and sobbed openly without anyone around to see or know.

He begged the goddess not to take Sylvain too. He'd already lost Glenn. Felix couldn't handle losing another person he loved without ever getting the chance to say goodbye. He couldn't. Not again. Not _Sylvain_.

He repeated the desperate pleas in his mind like a mantra, the world around him and time itself becoming a meaningless blur as he barely processed what got him from point A (weeping on the floor like a child) to point B, sitting in the waiting room of the hospital with Dorothea, Ingrid sitting on either side of him and speaking to each other with hushed voices while he stared blankly at the tiled floor that clearly hadn't seen a mop in at least a decade.

The staff had only let them behind the double doors long enough for Felix to have the dozens of practically microscopic shards of glass from his shattered phone tugged painfully out of the palm of his left hand and wrapped before they sent them back out to wait in the empty waiting room.

Petra crossed the room with two styrofoam cups, one in each hand and practically filled to the brim with steaming black liquid. "Here." She offered quietly as she handed one to Dorothea and the other to Ingrid.

"They said that they would not be able to give us any new information in regards to Sylvain's condition for the time being."

Her face was solemn as she placed a hand on Felix's shoulder. "But from my own experiences, I know that to have no news is better than it is to have poor. It is… an agonizing experience, but all we can do is wait."

Felix barely managed a grunt of acknowledgement regarding Petra's words. He'd feel bad for the dismissal of her comfort later, but right now he was just painfully numb to everything but the twisting guilt and unadulterated _fear_ that constantly clawed at his mind.

If Petra was dissuaded she didn't show it as he squeezed his shoulder once more before moving to sit by her fiance's side.

Dorothea smiled warmly and handed her the cup of half finished coffee, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to Petra's cheek in the process. Even in times of exhaustion and crisis at what was now half past five in the morning, the love and soft affection between the recently engaged couple was constant and unwavering.

Felix couldn't help the way the voice in his head took the knife in his gut and twisted it further, filling his mind with unrelenting and scornful thoughts about how Sylvain deserved a partner like that. Someone who could openly love him without a stupid ego or pride getting in the way.

Goddess knew how much he wanted to be that person for Sylvain. He wished he didn't have so many walls Sylvain go through. He wished he could put the way he felt into words the way Sylvain could.

The insecurities Sylvain held deep within himself were no secret to Felix, just as Felix's trauma and fear of letting people get close was familiar to Sylvain. He _knew_ it was unreasonable for him to feel like he wasn't good enough for Sylvain because of how he was emotionally but he wanted. Dear goddess he wanted, especially in this moment. _Especially_ if it meant he could change what had happened tonight.

The "If I hadn't"'s were filling his mind.

_If I hadn't indulged in my unhealthy study habits, I wouldn't have been so cruel._

_If I hadn't let him walk away and had actually apologized, he'd still be okay._

_If I wasn't like this-_

"Felix."

Ingrid's hand squeezed at his thigh, just above his knee, bringing him back to reality. He hadn't even noticed the way his leg had begun to bounce erratically or how he had practically bitten all the nails on his right hand down to nearly bloody nubs.

"Sorry." He muttered lifelessly as he let his hand fall from his mouth.

"If Sylvain is anything, he's a determined, foolhardy and reckless idiot." Dorothea said with a tired quirk of her lips as she gently pulled Felix's head towards her so he was rested on his shoulder.

He immediately tensed at the contact but Dorothea just ran her fingers through his hair, her long, perfectly manicured red nails lightly scratching at the surface of his scalp; the action causing him to melt slightly with an exhausted sigh.

"That boy isn't going anywhere. Not without you."

The words were more comforting and needed than Felix realized as a tear rolled down his cheek and he closed his eyes, letting himself slump against Dorothea's side while Ingrid took his hand and intertwined their fingers carefully.

Felix was always too proud to admit it, but even with Sylvain for a boyfriend he was _extremely_ touch starved. The combination of hurting so much, being so emotionally and physically exhausted and just so scared was enough to finally admit defeat. Finally let himself just give in and let his friends be there for him.

He wasn't close to Dorothea like he was to Annette. Dorothea had always been more of Sylvain's friend. Those two had what he and Annette had and yet she still somehow knew exactly how he ticked and what he needed most in a moment like this.

"I can't lose him." He admitted weakly, voice hoarse and broken from everything as he felt himself being dragged unwillingly by exhaustion towards unconsciousness.

Ingrid's breath hitched before she squeezed Felix's hand and said with a sort of conviction he hadn't expected in the slightest. Especially not after the everlasting scars losing Glenn left on the both of them.

"You won't."

\---

"I'm just saying… He's not going to take it well Ingrid."

"I know Annette, but what else was I supposed to do?"

Felix felt cold dread accompanied by a fresh wave of fear clutching desperately at his chest as he blinked his eyes open and tried to adjust his sight to the bright buzzing white lights above mixed with the rays of daylight pouring in from the glass sliding doors by the front of the building.

Dorothea placed a hand over his, making him somewhat aware that at some point he had completely wrapped himself around her arm like a child, which was way too embarrassing for him to process right now. Especially considering from the sounds of things there were more people here than before.

"Look I don't know what exactly went down and while I think he does have a right to be here, my concern lies with _Felix's_ wellbeing. No offense, but he does take priority over childhood friend who apparently left some major fuck ups unresolved."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Ingrid grit out angrily while Felix was still trying to get a grip on his surroundings, keenly aware of Annette trying to calm the two in the background while tensions grew tighter between the women on either side of him.

"And I don't have to! This isn't about _him_."

Tighter.

"Guys, please!"

Tighter.

"Annette, I'm sorry but I can't just let her-"

"Ingrid, please. That's enough. I was afraid this might have happened, I shouldn't have come."

_Snap!_

Felix practically bolted out of his chair and was across the room in an instant as he grabbed Dimitri by the collar and slammed him against the wall, ignoring the shouts of alarm behind him as his lips curled back in a sneer.

"I thought I told you to stay out of my sight, you wild boar."

Dimitri met his feral gaze unwaveringly with a sense of calm that only added fuel to the enraged flames that coursed through Felix's veins as his grip tightened.

"I was worried about Sylvain. I heard the news, but as I was just saying— coming was a mistake."

Felix didn't have the chance to quip back about how Dimitri didn't come for Sylvain. How this was just his own selfish ego needing to be inflated, entertaining the idea that somehow _him_ of all people being here would make a difference for the better.

Ingrid's hands were on him in an instant as she tugged him back. _"Get OFF of him!"_

Felix whipped around and nearly growled at the blonde, who only looked just as furious as he felt. 

The nurse behind the greeting counter watched the entire exchange with alarm and had a hand over the button to call security, if needed.

"You kids are going to need to sit down and _calm_ down or else you will all be escorted off the premises. Understand?"

Everyone who had watched the eruption seemed to hold their breath as Ingrid released Felix and he in turn let his stance loosen into something less hostile. One look over her shoulder showed that not only had Annette joined the group at some point but so had Mercedes, Ashe, Bernadetta, Claude, Hilda, and Marianne as well.

Their group practically took up half the waiting room and Felix had the awareness to feel a tad bit bad for the poor unrelated bastards in the room that had no idea what just happened with this large group of extremely varying characters.

Felix had to take a deep breath to keep himself from lashing out again as he acknowledged he needed to address the elephant in the room of whether or not he was going to let Dimitri stay, kick him out, or beat him within an inch of death and send him to an ER of his own.

Luckily for everyone, (although mainly Dimitri, given the fact that Felix was very much considering option three) he didn't have to decide as he was saved by the steel double doors by the receptionist opening to reveal a short nurse with a clipboard and bags under their eyes that probably rivaled Felix's own.

"I'm looking for Felix H. Fraldarius. Sylvain Gautier's emergency contact?"

Ingrid took a step back as Felix moved forward, not daring to let out a single breath as he nodded. "That's me."

He could feel the fear pounding in his chest and the buzzing in his ears was almost enough to drown out the nurse as they leafed through the papers on their clipboard.

"Mr. Gautier has no relatives listed under his contacts, so as his… _only_ listed contact, you can come through and see him now if you'd like. As for the rest, you'll have to wait for visiting hours-"

"Wait, wait. So does that mean _he's okay?"_

The nursed blinked slowly before cursing under their breath and nodded profusely.

"Yes, oh goddess _sorry_. I'm just about to get off a double- not that that matters. Sorry. He's stable. The surgery was successful and as long as his monitored recover goes smoothly he should be in the clear."

The group that Felix had nearly forgotten was there as he latched onto every word the nurse had to offer collectively let out a breath of relief.

Felix didn't even bother to acknowledge the way the receptionist shot the overworked nurse a look for the unprofessionalism or the words exchanged between his friends because honestly, _who the fuck cared?!_

Sylvain was okay. He was going to be okay. He was _alive_. That was all that mattered to Felix right now.

"You said I could see him?"

The nurse nodded and motioned for Felix to follow. He only faltered for a moment as he looked over his shoulder at the group.

His eyes landed specifically on Dorothea as she smiled and waved her hands at him in a _get on with it_ motion. "Go."

His throat felt dry as a feeling of gratitude he couldn't put into words washed over him. "Thank you."

\---

Felix stood in front of the door to Sylvain's room for what had to have been at least ten minutes now.

He had been literally bursting at the seams with the desperate need to see Sylvain alive and okay with his own two eyes and yet now that he was here he was terrified. 

"Oh fuck it.."

The door pushed openly quietly as Felix took a breath and braced himself for what he was about to see. Not that it did much good.

Steady sharp tones of the heart monitor pierced the stale air of the small room, blanketed only by the low quiet hum of the fluorescent lights above. The sight of Sylvain was enough to make Felix break, skin paler than before and covered in bandages as well as a cast on his left arm.

Felix barely dared to breath as he approached Sylvain's bedside, feeling his heart sink as his fingertips ghosted over the bandaged arm, covering what had to be burn wounds if he was to take a guess.

There was a chart hanging on the foot of the bed, but he was pretty sure he would throw up if he read what was written there. Pale skin barely contrasted against the tightly wrapped torso, bandages covering his heart and wrapping over his opposite shoulder and matching his completely covered abdomen. 

His left arm was in a cast and right leg was in a brace. Most of the cuts and burns had been wrapped, but the scarred burns that crawled up the side of his neck from where they peaked out from under his wrapped shoulder confirmed just how bad it was underneath the deceivingly spotless material.

As much as Felix felt the urge to touch Sylvain, just confirm that he was actually there and still breathing and that the heart monitor wasn't just lying to him, he hesitated. What right did Felix have to be here? This was his fault. Sylvain could have died and it would have been at the hand of Felix's bitterness and unjustified pride.

Calloused fingers barely grazed Sylvain's forehead as Felix brushed auburn hair away from his face oh so carefully, as if one wrong move would break the man before him. His lips pressed against Sylvain's temple, just above where a shallow cut from debris barely missed his right eye. Barely missed _blinding_ him.

"I'm _so_ sorry." Felix breathed, his voice nothing more than a whisper of remorse. Any strength he had left in his body left him as he fell to his knees, holding Sylvain's unresponsive hand in his own trembling grasp as his head lowered, covering his face with loose pieces of hair that he had pulled out of his ponytail from stress over the night.

Felix wasn't a religious man, not in the common sense of the term anyways, but in this moment he almost felt like praying to the goddess. For what he didn't know. Forgiveness? He didn't deserve that. And Sylvain was alive, he couldn't ask for anything more than that, yet the passing thought that it probably looked like he was praying caused a humorless laugh to pass his lips.

Hours passed and Felix barely moved a muscle. Visiting hours came and went, but Felix stayed. Dorothea somehow managed to at least get Felix to sit in a chair instead of bruising his aching knees by staying the way he was, but besides that no one had much luck. 

Ingrid must have received a mouthful of a tongue lashing from Dorothea, because other than the quiet and almost reluctant apology she didn’t speak a word during her visit. Bernadetta, Ashe and Marianne left flowers they went and picked out together, Claude and Hilda snuck in Sylvain’s favorite vape pen even though they knew the chances he’d be able to actually use it were slim. Annette stayed and sang small songs she’d written for recovery while Mercedes touched up the room. Felix was pretty sure half of the changes Mercedes made were going to drive the nurses insane and the other half just simply weren’t allowed, but unfortunately for the staff they were going to have to learn quickly that this bunch wasn’t anything but a bunch of rule breakers.

It became abundantly clear if any of the staff hadn’t gotten the memo when visiting hours ended and Felix refused to budge. He actually caused one of the younger nurses to yelp and hide behind her clipboard when his lips curled back and he practically growled at the older nurse who tried to make him leave.

Luckily, despite the fact the older nurse had a backbone unlike his partner, he ended up giving in with the terms that it would only be allowed this one night if he actually ate something and washed up a bit. The terms were more than fair, generous even. But the effort it took for Felix to pull himself away from Sylvain’s bedside was worse than any training or several mile jog that his boyfriend had dragged him out on during the ungodly hours of the morning during their last spring break.

The second he was back by Sylvain's side was a thousand seconds too late by his standards. Doing those things were supposed to help him feel better but honestly the only thing that could do that was Sylvain waking up. So he waited. And waited.

Felix was only human, and an exhausted stressed out one at that. He didn't even remember falling asleep, but his groggy state of mind registered the large hand that was running fingers through his hair as he blinked slowly before his eyes snapped open wide and he sat up with a jolt.

Sylvain held up his hands in a placating manner, a bit shocked by the sudden movement, but unbothered as he smiled weakly.

"Hey."

Words bubbled inside of his chest, all begging to tumble out of his lips, each loaded with a thousand different conflicting emotions. Instead of any of that, Felix simply gaped like a fish as he struggled to let out a single word before he finally managed a simple "...Hi."

"You look like shit."

Felix's hand twitched before he sighed and ran and hand over his face, completely exasperated because _of course_ that's the first thing Sylvain says after waking up from his post car crash surgery stasis.

"Goddess, can't imagine why."

The brief pause that followed the dry, yet somehow intimately casual banter had Felix's breath caught in his chest as Sylvain reached down to take Felix's hand in his, intertwining their fingers together with a gentle squeeze.

"I know what you're thinking." He said quietly. "Don't. This wasn't your fault."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Felix snapped back, his nerves getting the best of him, only for him to instantly regret it.

Sylvain didn't so much as blink at the outburst, he knew Felix wasn't angry at him, he was angry at himself. It had taken a lifetime to learn how to read all the subtleties of his best friend/lover, but Felix had been worth it, even if the now shaking man himself didn't believe that he was.

"I'm sorry." He muttered under his breath as his head dropped low. For once he was grateful for his damned long hair that he was constantly fighting a losing battle against to keep the silky strands out of his eyes. They now worked in his favor as they curtained off Sylvain's view of his face, hiding the way his lip trembled as he willed the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes to kindly fuck the hell off.

Felix wanted to push away the all too gentle fingers that carefully tucked the offending hair behind his ear, but instead he pathetically melted into the loving touch of Sylvain cupping his face and swiping his thumb to catch the first tear that fell despite his efforts.

"It's okay Fe. I'm not mad." Sylvain carefully adjusted himself and pulled the corner of the thin hospital sheet back enough to make his intentions clear.

"You should be." Felix laughed under his breath before he pushed himself out of the chair and crawled into the small space Sylvain made for him, careful as possible not to touch any of the countless injuries.

Sylvain's arms were around him in an instant, holding him loosely as opposed to the usual way he pulled Felix close so their bodies would be pressed together, but nonetheless the familiar feeling of _Sylvain_ had Felix falling apart at the seams as one broken sob led to another, words of affection and reassurance being whispered to him as Sylvain pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

"I'm not going anywhere Lix. I promise."

Felix shook his head, nuzzling Sylvain's uninjured shoulder carefully. "Don't make promises you can't keep."

Sylvain chuckled under his breath as he pulled back enough to shoot Felix a cocky look that still somehow was just as stupidly arrogant as usual, pale face, sickly look, bandages and all. "Don't think I'm not stubborn enough to hold out til the end. I'm here now, aren't I?"

"I suppose." Felix huffed.

He bit his lip before closing the distance between their faces and pressing a bittersweet kiss to Sylvain's lips. "I'll hold you to that promise then. But only if you hold me to the same standard."

"Oh of course." Sylvain grinned. "I'm yours through and through. Just as much as you're mine, I'm not ever letting you go. Even if you are a grumpy know it all who has an addiction to tea and overworking."

Felix scoffed and rolled his eyes fondly, stealing another chaste kiss before curling up against Sylvain and closing his eyes.

"Good. Because I wouldn't have it any other way."


End file.
